Where I've Been

Obviously, I haven't been updating the blog. And I am not going to apologize for it. This is a total stream of consciousness type of post, so forgive any weird sentences or half baked statements. I will not be answering any questions about it, nor will Robert. So kindly, do not ask us anything, nor make any passive aggressive comments about it.

I've mostly fallen out of love with knitting. I can sit with a project in my lap for hours, and not knit a single stitch. There is a part of me that has no idea what happened, and then the more honest portion of my being knows exactly what caused this.

People are assholes. People who message me online, or come to craft shows, or whatever the case may be, and insult me and my work, are assholes. And I'm tired of pretending that's not the case. When I have people comment on how "nice" my work is, but then scoff at the price, it hurts me. When they look at my stitches up close, to try to figure out how I did it, then flat out refuse to acknowledge that I sell my knitting patterns, it's painful. When I say "Thanks for looking" after I see them take photos to show someone, for them to rip off my work, I want to cry.

I've lost track of how many times I've cried about my knitting since my last update. Hell, I've lost track of how many times I've cried today. Off the top of my head, I can think of at least five people I talked to, where I was fighting off tears. They weren't all knitting related, but deep down, I know that's part of it. Knitting has been my therapy for the last decade, and now I don't have it, so my depression and anxiety are biting at my heels, no matter how quickly I try to run away from them.

Today, I had someone who liked an item I made. They wanted it in a different color, and I said I could do it, no problem. When I said it would be seventeen dollars, she said "That's a lot more than I wanted to pay. I was thinking more around the ten dollar mark." I wanted to scream. The version she had was more than double what she wanted to pay. My prices are reasonable. My time is worth more than a couple dollars an hour. I use yarns that are not inexpensive. She didn't pay a deposit, or pre-pay for the item, and I don't expect she will ever contact me about it again.

My amazing, wonderful, loving, fantastic, perfect husband that I don't know how I was so lucky to find, allowed me to order a sewing machine during the Black Friday deals. It arrived a few days later, and unfortunately, has stayed boxed up, since we're moving soon. Oh yeah, we're in the process of buying a house. That's happened since my last update. We started the process towards the end of October, around the time I tried the decluttering challenge. Anyway, I have this really awesome sewing machine that I am going to attempt to use regularly. I don't know what I'm going to make, but it's going to be my new therapy, maybe. We've been picking up little bits and pieces of fabric every time we've gone to Jo-Ann's. Some fat quarters, some remnants. Just any pattern that makes me happy. I know I have one that has a My Little Pony print, and I can't wait to make something fun out of that.

Old habits die hard, and I still constantly look at yarn. I want to make things to sell, but when I don't have the desire to knit, I know I'd just be feeding the stash, and we simply don't have money for that. Nor do I want the guilt involved with acquiring things that I may never actually use. I'm still enamoured with the idea of knitting, but the actual act of knitting makes me nauseous.

All this being said, I don't seen myself disappearing from the internet. I just renewed my domain a few months ago, and I don't want that to go to waste. But I'm kind of tired of paying for Squarespace. It's never been a good investment. I never did all the things with it that I wanted to do, and I just basically burn $10 every month for nothing. I'm going to find a way to save all my blog posts elsewhere, and make the two URLs I have redirect to facebook or some crap. I have no idea. I'm not ready to be a grown up.

I'm considering starting to do a little more creative writing again. I want to blog about our farmhouse shenanigans, but I worry that will make it seem like even more work than what it is. And does the world really need another blog? I haven't read my usual subscriptions in... maybe a year? I really don't know. And I don't think anyone ever really reads this either. So maybe a blog isn't the right idea. But I have this weird desire to write. Where to publish it, and how to go about doing that are completely beyond me, but it's something I've been entertaining for a bit.

Throughout my whole life, I've never really known what I want to be "when I grow up". And now, at nearly 28, I'm still not sure. But it feels like I need to decide quickly, before the whole world moves past me. The one thing I know for sure is that what I've been doing up till this point hasn't been quite right.

MAFG: Halloween 2016

Happy Halloween! Here are some things I am grateful for this week!

Having a husband that takes care of me when I'm sick  /  New leggings  /  Tasty food  /  Life going in the right direction for several consecutive days  /  Halloween party with new friends  /  Having an awesome job  /  The cat  /  Great friends

What are you grateful for this week ?

#DeclutterToday Task Number One: Kitchen Gadgets

We all have kitchen gadgets we don't use. Maybe they're a unitasker like a garlic press, or avocado knife, or something that you've upgraded, and just haven't removed the older model from your home, or it's something you never use.

Today's task is to rid yourself of some kitchen gadgets. You can start by asking your friends if anyone needs the items you are getting rid of. If there are no takers, perhaps your local food pantry could use them for some of their patrons. Another good place to check would be with groups that help at risk communities. Women's and men's shelters can use items to give to their clients who are getting themselves back on their feet. If you have nowhere to gift the items to, drop them off at your local second hand store. Some of these places can give you receipts to claim your donations at tax time, so it's a great idea to look into that.

Share a photo on Instagram of the kitchen gadgets you're getting rid of today! Don't forget to use the tag #DeclutterToday!

Life is Crazy, It's Time For a Challenge. #DeclutterToday

The last little while, my life has been flip turned upside down. I'm not living with my aunt and uncle in a big city or anything, but everything is just a little off kilter. Bob and I are moving forward on some big goals of ours, and that involves downsizing on some of our belongings. I'm setting myself a goal of decluttering something every single day. I'll be sharing this on Instagram and Facebook with the #DeclutterToday tag.

I'm not just throwing things away. I plan on donating items to local charities, giving some items away, and selling others on Craigslist. If I can find a home for it, where it will be useful, that's where it's going.

If you would like to join, use the tag #DeclutterToday and you can share this photo. Post photos of the things you are giving away or donating, or just finding new homes for. Join me, and we'll encourage one another!

All Of The Gratitude

It's been way too long since I've written a Mondays Are For Gratitude post. This week, Friday is for Gratitude. Here are a bunch of things I am grateful for.

Robert, being amazing as always  /  The weather cooling off  /  My amazing jobs  /  The coolest friends  /  New yarn  /  Energy drinks  /  Fingerless gloves  /  Knitted hats  /  Lots of time to knit  /  The farmers market  /  My farmers market friends and fellow vendors  /  The cat being awesome  /  Bob and I making some progress on goals we have 

What are you grateful for this week?

The Typical Pre-Show Stress

The initial intention for this post was to have it be this long essay about how I need to stop stressing about things. But it isn't that. I don't have the time to convince myself to stop stressing, because I am too stressed. Ironic, right?

I have a show October 22 and 23, and I'm in a tailspin. I feel like I don't have enough stock, I don't feel prepared, and I just feel like everything is going to fall apart. I'm hoping that isn't the case, but we shall see what happens. Check out my Instagram for more frequent updates.

Other than the show stress, life is amazing. I'm working at a fantastic job that I love, and I have some really cool people around me. I am so lucky!

A Wee Bit Of Stash Enhancement

It seems like many people are on a perpetual stash diet. I am certainly no exception to this. I want to reduce the amount of yarn I own, but that's apparently impossible. I may take a page out of Jen's book, and start tracking my in/out quantities. She tracks the yardage, but that would be tough for me because of some of the yarns I use, so maybe tracking weight might work? I'm not sure. Who knows, maybe yardage would be easier. Either way, this is to say I've acquired stash. A few weeks ago, Bob and I stopped at Joanns to grab something, and I ended up with way more yarn than expected.

All this yarn was bought on sale! And I've already used four of the skeins either in their entirety, or very close to that. I've been upping my productivity lately, and building lots of stock. I'm still panicking about how much I'll have made for show season, but I'm starting to feel okay-ish with what I have right now.

I do know that I need to keep knitting. Slowly but surely, I'll work through the yarn I have. I think I need to go through and purge a bit again.

MAFG: September 26, 2016

It's Monday! And it's officially fall! Bob and I have been married six months, and life is awesome. I'm stressed about dumb stuff, but that's not new. Here are some wonderful things I am grateful for this week

Making a whack load of applesauce  /  Canning stuff successfully  /  Getting new yarn  /  Making progress on a lot of knitting projects  /  Hanging out with amazing people  /  Going to a couple antique markets and estate sales  /  Picking up some great items at these sales  /  Eating delicious foods  /  My friends

What are you grateful for this week?

This Crazy Pokemon Go Thing

Unless you've been living under a rock since the beginning of July (no offence to rock-dwellers!) you've probably heard of Pokemon Go. I started playing on the first day, with a few of my friends. At the beginning I played every single day, though since then, my interest has waned a bit. Mostly because we live in a small town, and there isn't much to catch around here. It's still a ton of fun, and I've been planning events in Marshall for the community.

One thing that I've been having a lot of fun with is knitting Pokeballs. I've done a whole whack of them, in several sizes. I'm working on more all the time, between actual day job work. They're doing really well at The Realm Of Creativity, which makes me happy

I've been knitting tons and tons lately. I will hopefully have photos to share of most of it soon!

Work Work Work Work Work Work

This past week, Bob and I went to Detroit to have my Green Card interview. It was rather uneventful, but it meant I finally got approval to travel and work and what not. I had a work permit before, but this is the final step for a couple years.

So now that I have this, I have started working. I'm working at three different places as of today, and I am so incredibly happy! For all intents and purposes, I've been unemployed for nearly a year. I quit my job last October when Bob was heading to Japan. I'm used to having a couple part time jobs at any given time, and it works well for me.

This being said, there may be some shifting of my blogging habits. I might have to drop down to twice a week. I'm hoping I don't, but at the same time, I feel like I am lacking in content. We shall see how it goes!